Anime Harems: The Beginner’s Playbook

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ANIME HAREMS ARE FREAKIN’ SWEET!! AM I RIGHT?

What could possibly be better than having a gaggle of women flocking to you for no discernible reason? You get to have women all around you, and you get to have your pick at the end of the series.

Well, I hate to be the one to bust your bubble, but this idea is not paradise. It’s nothing but pure hell, and is one of the greatest tests of your patience since waiting at the DMV. You will be placed in some of the most awkward situations you can imagine. You will likely get made fun of by the harem. Plus, your likelihood for brain damage or concussions increases exponentially with each passing day.

If you want to be able to endure the anime harem experience, then you’re in the right place. Here are some essential tips for making it through an anime harem.

THE TSUNDERE

When isolated, this one is about as simple as it can get. The easiest way around any of the tsundere pitfalls is to watch your back and make absolutely sure that she isn’t around when you’re engaged in some kind of activity with another member of the harem.

However, when paired with another member of the harem, the tsundere can be the largest cause of physical harm. Usually equipped with some kind of paper fan or bat, you can depend on them laughing you to a new country you have never been to from the sheer striking power they tend to possess.

If you’re interested in a challenge, then this one is for you. If not, then I would just stay back.

THE YANDERE

Just run. Go. Leave. Get out of there. Haul ass, man. Have you not seen what they do? You’re screwed if you stay.

You spend one night drinking with the boys without explaining the plan to her? You’re getting stabbed. End of story. She will automatically assume you’re trying to get with some other woman.

Just, run.

THE MONSTER GIRL

This one can be interesting to tackle. On the whole, you shouldn’t really try to get involved with a monster girl. This is usually due to the ideological differences between humans and monsters. If you meet a monster girl that you’re interested in, the first things you should check for are what she eats and what habits she carries from her monster side.

If things check out, then it’s ultimately to your discretion. Just don’t expect all parts to be compatible, if you get my meaning.

THE LOLI

I will 100% call the cops on you if you pick this one. Don’t ever lewd the loli.

THE CHILDHOOD FRIEND

While not exactly common, you could encounter your closest childhood friend in your Anime Harem.

This one seems to be a no brainer, right? Clearly she’s the one you should go for. You’ve known each other for a long time, you’ve probably already thought about dating her, and you know for a fact that she’s a fantastic cook.

Since you two are so close, it’s almost like she’s a sister to you.

Here’s the thing about that. Do you really want to get with a girl that is like a sister to you? I mean, if you don’t carry that “sister” view of them, then go for it. Have at it. Just don’t go for it if you view her as a sister.

THE IMOUTO

What the hell did I just get done telling you?! Don’t date your sister!! Jezz…

THE VAMPIRE

They’re not all that bad. They tend to stay visually young forever, and could probably rock your world harder than a Slayer concert. I’m not really saying don’t try for this one, but here are caveats that you need to know.

More than likely you’re going to end up becoming a vampire. They drink blood, and you’re freaking full of it. They can’t go outside during the day without super weird clothing to hide from the sun, and even then you’re going to have to do some convincing. This is assuming you’re not also a vampire at this point. On the whole this is a very bad idea, but I’ve seen people go for crazier options.

THE ROBOT

This doesn’t (usually) mean a literal robot. Often times this is referring to the girl that doesn’t really show any emotions or feelings. They tend to be cold and reserved on the outside. Only go for this one if you can crack through the tough outer shell. Sometimes they can be one of the better ones to go for, but it can be really intimidating if this is your first rodeo.

THE ALCOHOLIC

The Alcoholic is one that can sometimes seem a little rapey. If not currently engaged in drinking, they enjoy teasing the center of the harem and putting them in compromising situations.

This is where you mainly need to watch out for the tsundere. Ultimately, this one can be really fun if you’re of legal drinking age, since you get to join in on the drinking fun. Just make sure that she doesn’t have too much of a drinking problem, because it can become a serious down the line if left unchecked.

Trust me, I’m a professional on this one.

THE CROSS-DRESSER

If you like to gamble, then this one is right up your alley. You can never really tell what you’re getting yourself into with this one. That cute boy or girl could turn out to be the other gender. If you really don’t care what gender your chasing after, then this one is going to be fun for you.

It’s gonna be kind of like cracking open a Kinder Egg. You never know what’s inside.

CONCLUSION

This brings my beginners playbook on anime harems to a close. Unfortunately, I couldn’t cover any more examples. The ones we have covered are merely the most common or the easiest to handle. There are examples of rather uncommon anime women in these harems, and there are some cases of harems full of anime men. When I’ve completed more research I will most certainly report my findings.

If you can think of any other waifu stereotypes you would like to see get covered, let us know down in the discussion!

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